Hi, I've been a PC member for 2 years. I have BP, BPD, MDD,GAD,BDD. I have never posted on this forum because I have been keeping a dirty little secret. I have had addiction issues all of my life. I've come off nearly everything at some stage. I will quit something but I usually have a substitute ready to take it's place. Currently I'm using all of these, am physically addicted to some and psychologically addicted to others - prescription pills: as well as my psych meds I take high dose morphine, Tramadol, codeine, Lyrica, Brufen - for pain; valium, xanax, Aladorm - for sleeping. Plus I currently have a psychological addiction to meth. I'm using it more than once a week. I'm even using it to help me get through my boring, long, lonely nightshifts at work + I'm using it on days off sometimes just for recreation. I also smoke cigarettes. Occasional social drinker, but could easily relapse back into alcoholism. I am able to hold down a job, seem normal and am able to hide it well; so I get away with my addiction and I belive it's getting worse. I'm using it for motivation to do household chores etc. I can quit a substance easily, but I can never quit "addiction". I have never had treatment for my addiction issues. I don't know where to start. I'm scared about going to a professional for help because I don't want it documented in case It affects my job. I haven't told my GP about the meth because he will be angry at me for possibly worsening my Bipolar. Because I haven't hit rock bottom and able to afford and sustain my use, I don't see me quitting soon, but I'm disgusted and ashamed that a substance has control over me. I 'm pretty sensible with my prescription meds because I don't like leaving myself short, so I don't usually take too many. My problem is mixing lots of different pills and creating a perfect combo for mind-numbing, relaxation and sleeping. Not sure of the consequences of mixing so many different meds + the use of meth with it.

I am confessing this to you to try and make it real and to admit that I have a problem. I ustify my meth use to myself because I can afford it, I don't commit any crimes to support my habit, My current addiction is far less worse than it has been in the past, at least I'm not whacking it up anymore (I cut it and snort it), + probably a few more stupid reasons i make it ok with myself.
Any thoughts or feedback?