I try as much possible to keep my mind focused on learning, for college, but my dad always makes me feel bad. When I was 13 he used to tell me : wait till you turn 18, and achieve nothing in life and see my real face. Now that I'm 20 nothing really happened, I just feel like he wants to control every thought and action of mine. He had arguments with my mom ever since I was a kid, shouted at her and used a really harmful language. Even to this day, he insults her and always tells her how she made his life a living hell, but she's always there for him. I told my mom to stop quarelling in front of me, 'cause I swear I can't handle it anymore. It makes me sick and literally I want to throw up. Some years ago he was like : if you take these exams, if you go to college and get a scholarship I'll be the happiest person on Earth. I haven't seen anything of that, he still makes bitter comments and doesn't have any trust in me. I'm far away from home, so that is a little better, but he constantly says that I have to be near him, so he'd know what's happening to me, always. He always tells me that I should listen to him, 'cause everything that he told me became reality. He most of the times told me I'm a failure , but I'm not. I don't think he should play with my mind this much, because I'm at the point when I'm digusted of his behaviour and want to run away from him. I don't want to hear any blaming from him anymore, it makes me paranoid and leaves me in a low state of mind.
I tried so many times to explain to him that we can't change our past, but he always told me : yeah, but if you had done as I had told you, you wouldn't have...etc.
Any advice on how I should diminish the negative influence? My body literally hurts because of this and I feel like I'm suffocating many times. Thank you.