Thanks for you replies It does help to know I'm not the only one to feel like this. I don't have a lot in my life besides work right now and it is a very important part of who I am, which makes it all worse. I'm struggling with beating myself up for being such a failure again and not really believing this same situation from other times in my life isn't playing out again. It isn't, I just am having a hard time processing how to do things differently now and trying to avoid falling in my hole of see, I knew it would happen. I'm actually glad I had my appointment today, it couldn't have been at a better time. I had a long, very stressful, very triggering to me meeting with my boss this morning. That certainly didn't help anything I'm hoping that this is the bottom this time and it will start coming back up again. I don't want to stay here again. I spent the evening last night, just watching tv in the darkl Looks like the same tonight. I hate being like this! I think when I can get some perpecitve and don't feel like such a loser, I'll be able to see the meeting wasn't as bad as I think right now. Maybe tomorrow.