kk. fair enough.

i tried scissors - found that they really do not work well. I tried kitchen knives - they were not "handy" for when I needed to use them. Went on to pocket knives - they were not really very sharp.

Eventually I found that utility knives / razorblades did the best for me. They can cut enough to bleed (without a ton of force and not much pain)..... I do not seek pain. When I see my blood - I get a release of stress and a feeling of coping and maybe even some empowerment.

It works for me.

BUT.... that being said. I have to be honest. Your post literally made me cry a little. It breaks my heart to see a younger person (like yourself) who is suffering. It just *feels* unfair that you are struggling so much.