I feel for you. I was in the same position, except I did cheat. Our marriage was rocky to say the least and I did not consider myself married to him. We didn't sleep together; we just co-existed in the same house and this was for a couple of years before I cheated. Not that, that makes what I did right. I went manic and crazy during this time. However, as it turned out I did not leave my husband. We are still married for 16 years. He totally forgave me and has stood by me during my mental illness. However, we still don't have a physical relationship and I can't say I made the right decision. If I had it to do over I would have left and maybe we could both have loving relationships now. I still am not in love with him but respect him too much to cheat again and too old to want to start over now.