Hello,
I'm sorry to be yet another one of those "do you think i have an eating disorder?" posts, but this habit of mine is getting worse, and I'm not sure whether to chalk it up to my panic and anxiety disorders which are a constant battle for me.
To start with, I've always had a great body image. There was certainly a time when I thought my body was the only thing good about me, but that was years ago. I do suffer from low self-esteem in general, but I loved my body when it was bigger and when it was smaller, so I know that my issues aren't related to body image or dieting....but the thing is that I just never eat. As a teenager it was a big joke that i would forget to eat, and in college, i ate nothing but hot dogs and ramen, because i could never plan ahead enough to get to the cafeteria. Now I am an adult and have been living on my own for several years. I never exercise, I am most comfortable being unnoticable and sedentary.
I recently got married and my husband has started to notice that i don't eat, even when I'm hungry. But its kind of always been this way. My Dad used to humiliate and degrade my sister and I over the dinner table, making us solve math problems well above our education level and then mocking us when we couldn't solve them. He also made us pay him in minutes of silence for any food we left on our plate at a restaurant. I was left with this very overwhelming feeling that must earn every bite i eat, and when I don't feel I have... I don't.
My anxiety and panic have slowly taken over my life and I got treatment about 9 months ago. Immediately afterwards, I had an appetite like I never have before, ate all the time, and felt almost giddy with the freedom...but now I'm back to thinking any food in the house isn't meant for me, even if I bought it. Or feeling overcome with the kind of appreciation that makes me feel small and worthless if anyone else makes me food. I love the way my stomach feels when it is empty...like it is urging me on to be more worthy or respected or whatever adjective means that the food I'm eating hasn't been wasted.
So, I have a counselor, and I want to bring it up with her, but am not sure how. It doesn't really sound like any of the eating disorders i've read about, which made me think it might just be a response to the anxiety...but whatever it is, i've come to believe it is disordered and want to do something about it.

Thank you so much for reading this far, an I appreciate any advice or feedback you can offer.