I received your link with much thankfulness, but my rage seems a strange way of repaying it, doesn't it?

This physical pain doesn't seem to come in waves and it always seems to be ruined by "the monster". (My term for the mental illnesses which afflict me.) This is the worst crisis to hit me in my life: Pain that hits me directly where I live: when I sit up. It doesn't get any more basic or personal than this. And I need morphine to treat it, after I had surgery to RELIEVE PAIN in that part of my body. It's an insult!

I don't think you need worry about me abandoning Psych Central for another board. Help from a pain clinic is 2 weeks away. I need you guys in case they start accusing me of self-pity. Besides, I was mentally ill long before I had physical pain and that part of me is going to be much harder to treat. I need a miracle to do so. I told Doug this. I don't want another board and I'm not going to be leaving, especially when I have received so much compassion for you guys. End of story.

BTW I told Doug and Father Lindsay to stop praying for me and what's the first thing Doug does? He writes back in such a way that he puts me into a gentle strait jacket of a hug. I asked him to stop praying for me and let me go insane and he said "That's a laugh." He said "We love you" and that God loved me more than I knew. I sad I was doing fabulous, that I had no idea.

I wept when I saw that e-mail. It would have been easier (and expected) if he had let me have it. (But "rocking by e-mail" as I call it, is normal for him.) I was up all night, unable to sleep., as my friend tenderly "rocked me" back and forth" I have to visit someone in the hospital today and my battery is dead and I still haven't slept. (I don't sleep=the chair doesn't get charged) I wanted to tell him to get angry at me.

I am just so frightened of my parents coming down, it isn't funny.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.