I never lack for things to do, whether it's watching television, reading, playing video games, fantasizing about a better life, window shopping, etc. When I'm feeling especially depressed, I tend to try to immerse myself in these things to the exclusion of everything else.

In effect, they serve as a "box" for my mind, closing it off from all the things I don't want to think about. This is quite effective, but at the same time utterly unproductive. Outside of this box, things continually get worse, both because life sucks in general and because I'm ignoring things I feel I lack the emotional strength to deal with.

When the barrier is shattered I rage, either internally or in private ... all the while wearing my "happy face" for everyone else.

My depression is anger, resentment, despair, and hate, over my own circumstances and prospects as well as a world filled with selfishness and stupidity. When I try to rise above it all I get brutally slapped back down, and I'm driven once again to "escape".

Anyway...

You sound like a prime candidate for picking up a hobby. Not only will it give you a direction and purpose, but it can offer the opportunity to interact with and teach other people who share it.