I'm sorry your family is not hearing you. Some people don't want to hear about the pain of others or are just so interested in what they have to say they don't listen to others, especially if the others are usually quiet. They have gotten used to as the clown and can't see you any other way. It's their being in their own little world in their head. It's not your fault they aren't hearing it's easier for them to pay someone else to do it.