In 2008 I got very sick with psychosis. I'm bipolar. As a result of my illness I ended up hospitalized for long periods of time.

When this happened I spent a lot of my time in the hospital worrying about my home and all the nice things I had in it. I didn't have much, but what I did have I valued for sentimental reasons.

I ended up losing almost everything because of my illness and hospitalizations.

Because of that loss I'm now reluctant to buy anything nice for fear of losing it again. I literally live like a Spartan because I don't want to experience that sense of extreme loss.

What little furniture I have is mismatched. I have no pictures on the walls or knicknacks. My kitchen is sparse and mismatched. I have four glasses, one big bowl, and I use paper plates.

The only things of real value left are my journals. I take them everywhere with me because I'm afraid to lose them. My mother betrayed me and nearly gave them to my doctors during my first hospitalization.

I want badly to have a normal, cozy home again, but I'm so afraid of losing it again that I don't want to take care of myself in this way. I found some glasses with bumblebees etched on them and they're only $15 for four, but even that is too much to bear losing.

Does anyone else feel this way? Am I abnormal?