it was all going well until class started...i couldnt get the stuff she was teaching and i was having a hard time...i was getting so frusterated and my bf just was not helping in the least bit....i felt tears coming on...so i took my purse and went to the bathroom and i cut really hard..which was easy with the box cutter...i came back got help from the teacher and all was ok....then my paranoia kicked in...I felt my bf was getting alittle too flirty with a girl who sits behind us...he was just taking her vitals and being friendly but my jealously kicked in and once again i felt out of the loop...he was taking her vitals she was taking his...and by the time they were done he had to do them again...then i didnt get a turn...i just sat there and watched everyone laughing and having a good time...i went to the bathroom and then cut again...and then home was going all well until he got pissed off that his bro and sister were being lazy teenagers...and he grabbed her face...well i cant handle yelling to begin with...i get panicky and want to cry even if it isnt me..well i started screaming at him and went completely off the deep end for grabbing her face...i punched things and wouldnt stop screaming..he calmed down...but i told him if he ever did that again that he would face dire consquences.... then he raced after me suspecting i was going to cut again..he was right but he was there and i didnt want him to take my razor...im calm again now..but im still brinking over the edge...trying not to think about a test tommrow...or the test the next day or the 15 illnesses that i have to write about due on thursday...its building...i feel it...like i know something bad is going to happen...on the way home i visualized slicing my throat but i wont do that...ill try not to...i just need to desocialize and go in a corner and sleep for a few days...but i cant afford that...and i have work thursday night...oh god...dear lord how am i going to get through this...