It's both. Some is automatic, some involves thinking. My boyfriend knows where to touch me, how to touch me, and what I like. He kisses me and makes sex intimate and passionate. I do the same to him. Run my hands through his hair, grab his hips- this doesn't really involve thought. I think about ways to make our intimacy better during sex- how to move with him, when to speed our pace up and when to slow down. This is where thinking comes into play. As you become more comfortable with a partner, that thought process becomes less and less and instinct takes hold. I know he likes it slower and deeper, he knows I like it harder and faster and those things flow more. Hope this gives a little more insight.

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