I realize this now. This is why therapy doesn't work for me. Having a person telling me I'm stupid and all my thoughts are irrational for only an hour a week isn't enough.

But I can't go inpatient because of reasons no one will understand so I won't bother trying to explain them. But it's something that will greatly increase my anxiety. And how am I going to get better if I'm more anxious and depressed after being locked up. And can one even do that voluntarily? And why would one do it voluntarily? It seems like a bad idea to purposely put yourself in that situation.

I know there's a thing called partial inpatient where its half days, but that isn't long term and I don't know how affordable it is or if it would work since it isn't 24/7 of telling me my thoughts aren't logical.

And I need to go OFF of meds, not be put on more. Off of most, if not all! All they do is destroy my creativity, make me sleep all day, and make me feel even more depressed. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist sometime next month or in January…I can't remember now. Either way, it's too long from now.

Pills and therapy will literally never be enough. I can't do inpatient. My only possible option is partial inpatient, but that's not long-term, nor would I get it without a referral I don't think...