If I cared enough about my T and my friend, I wouldn´t turn it into an issue/conflict. None of us have our T´s all 100 % to ourselves. In session yes, but your friend is not the only client she is seeing. That doesn´t mean it isn´t authentic or safe. It means it´s her chosen career and she works with building an attachtment ect. with all her clients. Isn´t it okey for your friend to experience this too? For her to critize your T could be part of her issues. If we could change our enviroments, that would be great. Sad part is, we can´t exspect people to walk on eggshells because of our upbringning and triggers. We can gain insight and start by how we react when a situation like this occures. Thats the hard work most of us has to do because thats what we will be facing in IRL to.
If you don´t like your friends behaviour realise that you can´t change her and move on. Although I realise that you´re hurting, I don´t think it´s fair to your friend to talk behind her back in sessions and you are putting your T in an ackward position too. Usually T´s won´t see familymembers, spouses or x-partners like this. Most will take on new clients recommended by friends. Wouldn´t it have been just as unethical to turn down someone who she was told was having a hard time and was looking for a gay T, and her client said it was okey?