quote:

"Fear of fragmentation. The notion that there is some state that isn't capable of being properly verbalised because it was a state that was experienced / that existed prior to us developing verbal capacities. Breaking up. Dissolution. That there was this terror and fear around this experience. That people sometimes put that same terror onto objects (in the case of phobias, for example) but that basically it was a terror of loss of self or annihilation of self or the breaking up of self."

i dont want to hijack mouses thread but i just want to say this part of your post really hits something... something. im not sure what. need to think about it but it feels true. annihilation of self. fragmentation. terror. fear. not capable of proper verbalisation. theres something really in that. was actually talking to t today about feeling fragmented and trying to put the pieces back but some of them are broken. i see them like warped, twisted, burnt pieces of glass in the middle of the 'picture' im trying to put back together. its ruined. not sure how they got like that though. do i have a decision to make? yes. what decision is it though?
am going to bed. maybe it will make sense if i can remember my dreams.
ignore me please!