Quote:
Originally Posted by not quite right
 I totally get that. I have been so many people for as long as I can remember. Constantly adapting myself to my surroundings & manipulating others to meet my needs. It has proven to be a survival skill that my world requires. So maybe I am all of them & none of them. I wonder who will remember me when I'm gone, so afraid of insignificance. I want to leave behind something that made me special, gave some meaning to what feels like a pointless life. I want the world to be different because I existed. Sounds so self absorbed I know. But I think everyone wants to matter. Justify their lives & be known. I suppose that's not for us to decide. I hope I don't come across as desperate, even if I am a little. |
You're so right in that changing and adapting is a "survival skill." It just took me many year to understand what was going on.
As for leaving a mark, well I did have two children who have in turn had children, so in at least one way I've "left my mark." In hindsight I probably shouldn't have had kids when I did. It was just another attempt to "normalize" me, to have a role to play that felt important (not that it wasn't important) but I did it for all the wrong reasons.
If you're still young, you have plenty of time to fulfil your dreams. Accepting your problems are not going to go away on their own is a big step to forging a life you can be proud of.
All the very best,
Rose.