I've always had my ups and downs, but for the past six months or so, I've felt like I was just floating along: I haven't really taken anything seriously, even when they are serious. In fact, I tend to laugh at everything. I'm often in a daze, staring blankly and I'm even more forgetful than usual. I honestly feel like a crazy person. But for the last two days it seems like all the pain I should have felt all those months came crashing upon me all at once. Every little thing and every little thought I have crushes me and it's as if I can actually feel my heart breaking. When I do get these painful moments, my jaw clenches and aches and my hands start to tense and ache. Also my eyes won't stop twitching. Everything is just SO frustrating!

Since I'm on this rant, I might as well let everything that's really bugging me out: I'm tired of sitting around doing nothing when I know I need money: I live in a place where I can't get a job unless I want to be a truck driver or farmer (believe me, I've applied everywhere, even McDonald's, but for some reason they want someone who's had fast food experience). I want to go back to school and finish my degree, but I can't face people in that kind of situation without having a breakdown. I really want to help my parents out with their financial difficulties: they're at a time in their life when they should be enjoying life for crying out loud! I can't stand seeing them completely exhausted and worn out everyday of their lives. I want my mom to be able to visit her homeland someday soon. I want a vehicle that won't break down for more than a month. I wish everyone in my family would lose several pounds so I'm not so paranoid about everyone's health all the time. This list could go on forever, but I'm tired now, somewhat frustrated and I might as well get started looking into CDL training. *sigh* Terribly sorry for the long rant.