I have never intentionally hurt an animal either. I understand your feelings as I would be in the same place. But, you have to live with yourself and see yourself in the mirror. I would agree that have a heart trapping and bring the cat into the humane society as a stray might be best, You should not, unless you can easily afford, pay for the neutering. The Humane society will neuter him and find him a home. If his real parents come for him they can claim him. Don't leave your real name or address when you leave him off.

Sorry to hear about your kitties. By the way, your kitties can get fixed at three months,