Welcome Shape
I am sorry you are feeling low and helpless .it is very hard to live and be in the relationship where only one Side is trying to adjust.has he seen a regular physician?maybe he needs antidepressant ,some man just don't want to own a fact of being depressed ,they become withdrawn ,irrational and protective of their self,especially if they had predisposing macho attitude .you did say your grandma helped you financially and you are working .it there any way you and kids can stay with her for some time and tell your husband that it is a turning point,if he starts working on the relationship ,respecting you and maybe seeks help himself and attends counseling with you ,then you have a chance to save a family
I wish you best