Newtus, I know you've been through so much. I can see why you have no hope for yourself. But, I honestly believe that it's not too late for you. You're still very young and advancements are happening all the time. I think you just need to find the right combination of help. A case manager might be a really good idea. Someone who can advocate for you, someone not your dad. Example is when giving birth to a baby there's a lady called a doula. She's not a mid-wife or a doctor but she's a support person. It's her job to know the ins and outs of the hospital and how to deal with the doctors and advocate for the mother while she's under stress of labor, (becuase all your enegery goes to the baby.) Dads often don't know about the hosptial policies, regulations, or when a doctor is pulling your leg trying to "hurry along" a birth by pushing for an unnecessary c-section, etc. (Yes, it does happen sadly.) Anyway, the doula is a lady you can hire to be there not only to help you have the baby physically, but fight for you.

So... I think you need like a mental health "doula" or someone who understands the system, knows the BS, and is not emotionally entangled. I think that would be an excellent idea you should look into it! It's not too late to give up hope!

Kurhea: if you're not up for a relationship it's probalby really responsible to wait. But it doesn't hurt to make friends just as friends. But, don't be pushed into anything you're not ready for.