I haven't SI'd in a week... doing pretty good with it actually. It's weird. I'm hitting all sorts of walls with treatment accessibility, but I'm managing somehow. I think going inpatient last week was a good idea. It broke that spiral, even though all it did was physically contain me.
Also helpful: T is asking for a "commitment to safety" if we are to continue to work on processing trauma. I did not ask for specifics, but am taking that to mean that I need to stay away from si. We will talk about it at some point I'm sure...