I can totally relate to your daughter. Let me just say that someone with ADHD really has to make the decision to want to improve the quality of their life. If you daughter truly doesn't care, then you can do whatever and she still won't take responsibility. But more than likely, it's not that she doesn't care. I think its probably her ADHD.

What you said about her being 14 now and you expecting her to be more independent- I disagree. Studies have shown that people who have ADHD have brains that are up to 3 years delayed in the prefrontal cortex (the part that controls executive functioning). While she may be 14, that part of the brain that controls time management is still only 11. That is something that needs to be taken into account.

Also, people with ADHD sometimes take longer to learn new habits. She might know in her head that she shouldn't do something. She may learn from experience. But she forgets because she becomes so wrapped up in whatever she is doing that she forgets. It's not that she hasn't learned it. She probably thinks back and goes, "why did I just do that! ugh!"

Is she on medication? Medication can really help the person in that initial phase, focus on learning those new skills. Medication is not the fix all. Regardless, she still needs to learn time management and organization. But sometimes, medication can help with that. Also, is there someone that she can work with (learning specialist, ADHD coach, therapist) that is not you? Sometimes, it's better to have outsider help with those things. Personally, I am way more receptive of advice and criticism from someone else that is not immediate family.