This discussion of maintaining boundries has been excellent...yes, you have to stand your grounds and be tough but I liked Wants to Fly's ideas about praising the changes others are apparently trying to make. In some cases you can even anticipate any criticism or opposition to your boundries. For example, if you sense that the other person is being quiet before attack you again, you could introject a comment about "this is the kind of situation that used to set off a confrontation between us. I have noticed you restraining your criticism and I really appreciate your being considerate of my needs for quiet (acceptance, peace, tolerance, support, etc., etc.) It may not work every time but it sets a more positive sceen than a blow up does. You probably have to prepare to make your comments but it may pay off.

If someone has a chance to try a little discretely delivered praise, tell us how it works.

DrClay