crackingslowly...

weird you said that cause ive been doing some thinking too. on my part.

i figured i had anger issues to sort out. idk. i felt ganged up on only becuase when i call out something that i FELT was against me than i felt jumped on for doing it. but i got mad becuz i was never making an eating disorder to be a small issue and never was saying i was trying to have an eating disorder. at first i said i didnt think i could get one because i legit dont have one. that i have too many problems itd prob be impossible to add another problem right? that what i was saying.

i mean sorry iff it came off wrong. but i was never making fun or wish i had an eating disorder. i just felt like a few people jumped on me for that. but theres no doubt ill admit im quite obsessed with losing weight. i look at my stomach and thighs every hour and think how i can improve or eat less or how i (and let me just be candidly honest) want to be emaciatingly skinny. because i just do.

idk if i have an anger issue. probably so. i also felt like everytime i step down and say "im sorry" for something that im the only person owning up to issue. which a lot of times it turns out that way for me. in family and in my past and present.

im sorry about what happened in your past. i admitted what i did about my dad to get it off my chest. but maybe there ARE some things better left not to be said idk? i do have trouble with filtering myself. i just know i couldnt say i did that in real life and this was the only place i felt could.

i realize what you have done for me. i actually realize numerous people have tried to help me. here. thats why i keep coming back. and because im so alone so often cuz i have no one else to talk to. not in real life anyway. my dad yea...but thats not the same. i think that speaks for itself. but anyway...im sorry too. i ..uh...dont know what to do with myself anymore. idk what to do with help and advice thats given to me. ive lost so much hope for myself it doesnt even register anymore.