Quote:
Originally Posted by ShrinkPatient
All my panic and punishment was for nothing. I jumped to a conclusion and allowed that to control my emotions all weekend. I talked to my T about what I was feeling but couldn't really talk over the details and circumstances they stemmed from. I noted that I often assume/think/believe the worst. I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.
I really hope that the next time I find myself in similar circumstances, I'll remember this painful-torturous weekend and hopefully, I'll be more patient. I have to stop assuming the worst and regulate my emotions better in the future. Now, I just feel foolish because know that I know, I can see my actions were really irrational.
Thank you all for your patience and support over the weekend. It was greatly appreciated and I hope I can return the favor to you some day if you need it.
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SP I'm so glad it went well, that there was a bona fide reason for your T's not responding, and that you were able to talk about your feelings too and resolve the awful state you had to endure for the weekend
I highlighted a couple of sentences in your post - I had a similar experience recently with T where I just assumed blindly (didn't even think about it, it was my automatic spontaneous interpretation of things he said) that he was reflecting me in a really negative way - not critically or intending to hurt, but in that objective 'this is who you are' therapist's type of way. It completely wrecked me for the week between sessions no matter how much I rationalized it all, until the subsequent session and suddenly his explaining what he meant allowed me to flip flop from MY negative world view to seeing what he actually meant, and it was in fact positive, not negative at all. How I could misunderstand something so obviously NOT negative is beyond me, except to point up that that's how I automatically see the world, a bit like your jumping to conclusions that then take on a life and reality of their own.
Second highlighted comment gets me though - I too think, ok right I now KNOW what I did, I should be able to anticipate and pre-empt it happening again right? It felt bad enough, as your awful weekend must have, to be some sort of object lesson? Hahahahahaha within days I was reacting in exactly the same way (not to T, but in real world) and after the event I could dimly recognize that I'd once again misinterpreted, jumped to negative conclusions, but for the life of me I couldn't have stopped myself doing it in the moment nor for the length of the time the negative feelings had me in their grip. Feelings equal reality - even if they're not at all an accurate reflection of reality.
Ugh sorry for long ramble, I really just wanted to say that I think it's great how this got resolved and you were able to get a valuable insight from it, and I hope you will be able to apply what you learnt with this, to future situations. It's those damned feelings, they rule the roost!
Oh and as for your last comment, ShrinkPatient, you've already returned the favour many times over
