I am so proud of your mature way of dealing with the emotions involved in this situation......all too many women get stuck on the "love" thing that isn't LOVE at all & aren't willing to take off & leave the jerk behind (that goes for men also but less often).

I stayed married for 33 years go a guy that was a jerk....but he was a good father because I was one of those mothers who never had any motherly instinct. If babies could be born college graduates....I could handle it....but babies just have never been my thing.....so I was glad that he was there for her.

I kicked him out when I found out I was pregnant for a whole other reason in that before we were married I specifically said that nothing was going to get in my way of my degree & my career & the first thing he said when I ended up pregnant was that I could take a couple of years off school & go back later.....those were fighting words in my life & at that point if things hadn't worked out I would have left him & our daughter because by that point he did have a career going & would have been able to take care of her better than I (that was just a side comment for s4ndm)

I think what you said is so perfect & understanding
There were so many things that added up over the 33 years of staying with the H & at the end, I was actually seeing red when I had anything to do with him & living separately under the same roof was like living in hell. I finally had enough & after my mother died, I was financially able to leave.....& that's exactly what I did.....not obviously at first....but I gave him time to change alone by hoping he would see things more clearly.....he didn't, he ended up actually getting worse. I thought I could give him one more chance at change because leaving him & moving 2100 miles across the US really was a wonderful change for me (& it's gotten even better).....but on that last drive across the country in those close quarters (that he couldn't escape from either)....it became obvious that he was satisfied with who & what he was but more obvious it was that he didn't believe that it was possible to change because "it's my personality & personality's can't change"......BS.....anything we want to change we can even though it takes work.

His final comment I think was the final nail in his divorce coffin.....when he said "I thought you would just continue to tolerate me for the rest of our lives"........too many people believe this & if we don't confront the bad issues & draw the lines & the boundaries....they think we will just continue to tolerate it for the rest of our lives because we have for so long anyway.

I am so glad you aren't tolerating his behavior & you are taking a stand. All too often we see their personality issues looking back & not at the time we truly get binding ties with them.....but I'm glad you are willing & able to be so independent....not at all like a lot of other women I have seen. I think probably going through your other marriage & having your older children has helped you see life much more clearly.

Wishing you the best with this......& I am so proud of the way you are handling this.....you are definitely using your wise mind & NOT your emotions....& it's so refreshing to see this in you