Quote:
Originally Posted by PumpkinEater
I ADORE this image, Rainbow...definitely going to hang onto that one and probably share it with my therapist.
By the way, I was thinking of you the other day...hopefully this isn't a hijack...I think I remember you saying you only want to use this website a couple of times a week? I found a cool Chrome plugin that lets you limit your time on certain websites. It's called "StayFocused." It's a Chrome extension but I think they also have it for other browsers, depending on what you use. I only allow myself 30 minutes on Facebook and 30 minutes here per day. This prevents me from dinking around and wasting a bunch of time thread-hopping!  I think it syncs with your phone, too. And you can also choose the days, for example if you want to allow yourself more time during the weekends, it allows you to specify. You can also block specific search terms, so if you want to limit the time spent googling something (or someone in this case) you can plug that in, as well. |
I can finally post in my thread again.
I'm glad you like my image with the kangeroo, PumpkinEater. Thanks for telling me about the plugin. Maybe I'd be better off limiting my time rather than day, since I check my emails every day also.
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Originally Posted by skysblue
I'm curious, Rainbow, if you've ever followed your fantasy of knowing about T to its fullest? Have you imagined how you'd feel if you knew just about everything? What she eats for breakfast, what books she reads, what her favorite hobbies are, who her friends are, what her pet peeves are, what issues she needs to work on in her interpersonal relations, what her favorite subject was in school, who she admires, what was the last movie she saw, which toothpaste she buys, what's her favorite meal to cook, how she likes to decorate her house, and on and on.
So, when you imagine you know everything about her, what does that feel like?
And what about the things you learn that you don't like? What if you learn that she suffers from anxiety or depression? What if you learn that she loves to speed on the highway? Or what if she can't keep friends because she's flaky? Or if she has control issues or eats only toast and butter every morning? What if she's fixated on a celebrity that you despise or loves to read magazines that have no appeal for you?
I have a very good friend who is a therapist and her clients might be shocked with the emotional difficulties she struggles with. She's very good at her job and has a waiting list but she suffers from her own abandonment issues. What if you discovered your T is really not perfect like she has been telling you?
Although a therapist probably will not feel the burden, I think to put someone on a pedestal is a disservice to the one being placed on such an altar. And it can only cause harm to the one who is looking up. Eventually the recipient of that adulation will tumble and the shock of that fall from the pedestal could be devastating.
I hope the best for you, Rainbow.
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Thank you, skysblue.
I thought about your question but I don't know the answer. My guess is that I'd still feel left out because I still wouldn't be IN her life, doing those things WITH her. I don't know all those things about my H. I don't know them about anyone, so it's a hard to even imagine. It makes me uncomfortable to imagine it because reality hits me! I can also see what a disaster it would be, if I WERE in her life. Intellectually, that is. It's more comforting to think of being a baby kangeroo hanging out in her pocket all day!
The other question you asked about finding out stuff about my T that I don't like, has happened already. Her divorce was a major shock because I thought she had a good marriage--at least I thought that for a couple of years. That certainly took her off the pedestal for me. There are some other things as well, that make her very different from me, though in a way, it made me respect and admire her more for ending a marriage after 25 years. I KNOW she's not perfect, but I still idolize her. I know my feelings don't match up with my knowledge at all. It's like being in love or infatuation when you ignore the shortcomings. My T has enough "attractions" for me that I ignore the negatives. Maybe it would balance out if I knew more of them. I don't know. I think I NEED to see her as perfect. I want to see her that way. She touched on that when we talked about her being a regular person.
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Originally Posted by Petra5ed
Why not just Google away? Eventually you will run out of material and stop out of boredom. Of course you want to know about the person you're trusting and vulnerable to, not to mention one who you are confiding in with deepest secrets.
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Maybe, Petra. But I won't EVER run out of material. That's the point. New posts about people can show up any time, and they do. I can find something new about my T every few months, or if not, I can reread what I already know. I don't get bored with doing it--not yet, anyway.
I think I'll just tell her today that I want to know more about her, and that I don't want to stop googling her, and see what she says. We have to talk a lot about separation from her, anyway.