Pressure.

So lets use me as an example
I'm cutting. But my T said they loved me, what if they found out I was cutting and took that love away? I have to stop cutting, I can't show her, but what will I do without cutting? How will I release the emotions? I can't do this. I cut again, and I hate myself because I'm pathetic, how can T love this? She shouldn't love me, if she finds out I'm cutting she'll get mad. I can't tell her.

Not to mention how triggering it may be. Because say that happened, and I was sure she find out I was cutting and be mad and wouldn't love me anymore, cause in the past that's what happened in family. Not to mention it's messed up my C and I's relationship and has actually caused me more suffering. She didn't say love or whatever but she said she cared, and she knew when she said it that I thought of her as a mother figure etc, and now all I can do is long to be her daughter and deal with the pain of knowing that I will never have that and hating it and feeling lonely, and wanting to know if she feels the same. But I can't ask her because of the possibility of rejection. So I fantasize and I obsess over the relationship