My recent ex never physically acted out toward me, but he had a distinct pattern of gaining control. First, anger. When I stopped responding, second came being fake nice and some times just sickening sweet, if I failed to respond in kind, third was tears. When I figured out the pattern and was able to watch him logically, detaching in the moment from emotion, he appeared to be less powerful than I perceived so I think I know what you mean when you mention regaining your dignity. He went to rehab for alcohol. He will get out the day after Thanksgiving. Gives a whole new meaning to the term 'Black Friday'. He will contact me soon. He still has things at my home. I have no one to help me get his heavy crap out. So......my plan is to not emotionally engage and observe and respond logically. I have found when I respond emotionally to him, I get sucked back in to it all. I have to limit my contact, make it quick, and his behavior is not my responsibility. Then, I will call my best friend.....discuss it, then feel it later. I can't do that kind of thing often, but I have found it us helping me to not stay in the chaos. Good luck in finding strength.

"You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent!" Addison DeWitt