Kisha, you write well. I am sorry you are in pain and so loneley. Try something. Look around you and use your senses to get grounded. Hear the birds, the cars, the lawnmower etc, see the sky, the grass, the road etc, Smell the flowers, smog, etc. feel the texture of your chair, hair, clothes etc. And then read people's responses to you. You might feel more grounded and better able to absorb the comfort. Good luck.