You know .... its okay not to be okay or fine all of the time. And I'm sorry that somewhere along the way you felt like there isn't much point in what you do or say ... but there really is. there really honestly is. There are people out there who care about you, and people that know that things aren't "okay".
I know what its like to pretend things are alright, to just nod your head when someone asks if you're okay because its the "easier" thing to do. But as i'm sure you're noticing you can't do it forever, you can't keep living your life in this world where you can't be yourself, where you can't express how your feeling. So you hurt yourself, it "feels" more real and its easier to deal with. But if you can believe anything, anything at all, just trust me when i say that if you can allow yourself to open up to someone you trust (whether it be a family member, a friend, a counsellor, or just someone you feel comfortable with) it really makes all the difference in the world.
Some people really aren't all that perceptive so they won't necessarily notice when things aren't okay ... but thats not all completely their fault.
Is there anyone in real life you can talk to? You CAN work on this, and you will get through this ... you just have to be willing to give a little, and what you will get in return will be well worth it.
Take good care of yourself, and know that you deserve better. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Jacq