Believe me, you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I have some slight OCD issues which cause me to try to do everything in a methodical, organized way which occasionally rubbed others the wrong way. When things weren't done to my standards it would drive me to distraction and when I couldn't be perfect I would become angry with myself. Earlier this year, after surviving my third attempt to ending it all, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder which looking back, I've pretty much experienced my entire life. People in my family just didn't understand how depression can ravage you, body and soul and have given up and ended all contact with me. I've been trying various medications (some helped a little and others not at all) and am currently participating in a clinical trial study in which a experimental medication is infused intravenously. I've noticed a big difference lately, but I still experience my dark moods.

Welcome to Psych-Central and I hope you're able to find something that works for you. On a side note I grew up in New York. Be well!