(((((((((((Tomi)))))))))))))

You are so right....he did this when I was down. He was gambling before I went in the hospital for my surgery so I was thinking at first it was his way of coping but then found out that it was going on long before.

The deaths in my family....gosh it just hit me from both sides....Mom's and Dad's. I was very close to one of my cousins that passed (the youngest one) and my Aunt (Mom's sister). Timmy's cousin that died too.....her and I were very close as well so the shock hasn't even worn off about all of them yet.

My own health is not great right now.....there have been problems since my surgery. I still have to be checked every 6 weeks to be sure the cancer hasn't come back....this is on my mind constantly. Between blood work, ultrasounds and xrays.....its a constant thought in my mind too.

Now putting all of that on top of what Mike did? Gosh...that is why I find it so hard to know what upsets me more. There are days that I am sure it is what he did as that was my rock that came out from under me. I put so much trust in people and to have that gone....it throws me completely.

I did contact gam anon but have not attended a meeting yet....I research all I can on gambling addictions but to tell you the truth....I still have no idea why he did what he did. He is gone right now but he is trying to get help. Where that takes us (him and I) I have no idea.

That is where the anger and fear comes in to me as well as the why me's.....its just so much ya know? I also work and have the boys....my mind is constantly spinning.

It feels good to write this down though.

Love you xoxo


Heather