I think you should discuss this with your therapist. If you have a "good therapist" then you should feel safe and be able to talk about how you struggle, it should not be something to "fear discussing or have you feeling you will be judged or dismissed". A "good" therapist will not be "dismissive" and will listen and allow you to express your feelings.

Just so you know, I had therapy myself today and I talked about you and how I felt about it, my therapist agrees with me, I have a really "good" therapist with lots of experience.

I taught for many years and the children I taught knew me as a friend too, there is nothing "bad" about that either. There was nothing ever bad about my intentions or wrong that they felt I was a friend either, I taught but also mentored and tried to show them the good parts of who they were and what they actually "could" do. It sounds like your friend may have been a good teacher or had a gift for "listening to and working with children", and that is no crime.

I am sorry for your loss, you do deserve to be able to talk about it.

(((Hugs)))
OE