I cannot seem to cry in front of my T...I have had tearful eyes but its so fleeting. It's like a wall goes up. The problem is - I would LOVE to be able to cry. I told him once (after he asked me what I was feeeeeling) that I felt like I needed to cry but I couldn't. He reflected back, " You feel like you want to cry, but you can't?" He looked so compassionate as he said that and I know I looked in so much pain

I am in pain, though. I cannot cry half the time (I can never cry with T) even by myself. If I do cry, there is a healing quality to it but almost as soon as I'm done, it's like I can feel the wall build back up and the pressure starts to build behind it...

I told my T "It hurts!" Cause it almost literally/physically does.