Ray,
character assassination, or gossip inside of AA is poising. But the whole world participates in it all the time. Young people in sobriety do it, and old farts in sobriety do it. And just about everyone in between does it. But that does not make it right. I have found that as I am listening to someone trash someone else, I figure they are in all probability trashing me to other people as well.

When I am taking the other guy’s inventory, (gossip) and I do, I am mostly trying to bolster my own self image at their expense. The underlying message I see in myself when I do so is “I am better than that!” Or “My standards are far superior to that!” Always some sort of pathetic self elevation on my part. My motives are never to improve my relationship with the other guy, my motive is just to stand on him to make myself feel a little bit taller.

But trust me Ray, what comes around, goes around. Those who live by the sword, die by the sword. The gossip I speak will in some form or another come back and bite me on the ***.

A lawyer once told me, “Before I speak, I am the master of my words. After I speak them, I am their slave.”

And just one last bit of inventory taking on my part, before you open your mouth, check your motives. What do you want? And if what you truly want in your heart of hearts was made public knowledge for all to see, would you be comfortable with that?

If you can say Yes, then speak it, if not, then keep it to yourself.

Also just because we are sober drunks, don’t think we are the light of the East or something. We, all of us are just blind fools stumbling through this world as best we can. We are going to get it wrong. We are going to get it wrong a lot! Give yourself a break, and give that other woman a break as well.

Your friend on this long strange road to the good stuff,
Richard