Hello I am sorry that you are having a hard time in your life at this time. I may be out of line in saying this but things can change if you want them to change and get the right professional treatment from the therapist and Drs that can make a difference in your life. You make a difference by just being the person that you are to someone else in need, or just your friends, and loved ones. You just need to believe and get the support you need to help you make the first step in feeling and getting better which is getting professional help. Getting help is not failure it is a very mature and responsible thing to do for yourself, and very courageous to want to have a different or better life. I hope the best for you in the future, and you do not have to suffer to this degree with the right help, which I hope you will think about getting soon so you can feel better. Take care Soidhonia