I was afraid that because I was taught by my family situation to be a victum and codependant, and later in life a 20 year marraige to a jerk that treated me like crap, that I would never be able to be in a healthy relationship. I knew a large part of my problem was with myself and the way I was hardwired to think. I was terrified to start something with Jim, but I really liked him so much. We've been together for 4 years now and I have never been happier. However, it wasn't without its trials. The first step was admitting that I might create a codependancy/abisive situation because of my hard wiring, but I kept that forefront in my mind and when I fell into old habits, I would stop myself, back up, and react differently. I did a lot of changing my mind with Jim and I just explained what it was and he just rolled with it. Life isn't a series of events where you do the right thing and you get results. If you want to change bad habits, you have to go into it with your eyes wide open, risk making mistakes, having to back up, try again, cry, grind your teeth in frustration, and accept the good that can come your way. I am so glad I chose to step into the arena with Jim because today I no longer wonder if I will be in a codependant/abusive relationship. I know I was smart enough to lick it and the reward was a depth of love I never knew existed. I would encourage you to step into the arena. This time your eyes are wide open.