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Originally Posted by CrimsonBlues
Hello rainbow-I might be missing something so I apologize but isn't FB something that is open to anyone who also has a FB account? I'm one of the few people on the planet who doesn't have a FB account so I'm not positive how it works but if you were able to see her account doesn't that mean it's open to public viewing-and if so, how could your therapist be upset with you about that? Yes, a conversation about your viewing of the FB account would be a helpful idea. I think it's wonderful that you are open about these things with your therapist but nothing you have described sounds like a boundary crossing to me and certainly not a reason for your therapist to punish you somehow. I can't think of a reason why it would be okay for your therapist to punish you ever. Anyway-your open manner is great and will be helpful to you in getting what you need.
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Thank you for your comments and questions, CrimsonBlues. Yes, FB is open to anyone. I want to be clear about what my T said. She's never said that going on FB is a boundary crossing and she is not upset about it. But I get triggered and upset by seeing her photos and messages. (She doesn't have much there but it's enough to trigger me). I also got upset/triggered when I saw her H's and daughter's FB pages, and couldn't stop myself from looking, because kids are more open about their settings. We've talked about it in the past and, for MY benefit, not hers, she recommended that I don't look there anymore.
What my T said was that driving by her house was a boundary crossing.
I did it when she lived in a different place too, and I told her that time because I felt guilty, and also because it's part of my pattern of obsessing about people. SHE doesn't want to punish me; she wants to help me! I'm the one who feels like I should be punished. Part of me, anyway. My T is wonderful. Whatever I tell her, she says "let's be CURIOUS about it". She would never punish me!! She wants to help me so I won't repeat this pattern of needing to know everything, looking up information, and crossing boundaries, and doing it in a sneaky way, kind of like spying/stalking. It's the WAY I do it, and the compulsion that's the problem, more than the act of driving by her house itself. Same with googling and FB. I hope that makes it clearer.