TRIGGER WARNING - Mentioning the 'aftercare' of an attempt.
Quote:
Originally Posted by caseygirl
As far as being able to express oneself on these boards, yes, thank goodness. Society out there pounces upon us with anger and disbelief how we could do such a thing to our family and friends and whomever we have hurt and left behind. How could we even conceive the notion to ending life? Hmmm, if you've never walked in the shoes of someone with depression then keep your opinions to yourself and not judge.
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Great post and I fully relate to the part I just quoted. In many ways I think that I stall myself with what you mentioned 'the pain it would cause to others'... because I'm not totally insensitive to the impact it would have, but it's a battle when the irrationality and impulsiveness kicks in.
During my first attempt (there were 2, so many years ago) I recall being brought into A&E by the police (was already in a peeved mood about that as I certainly hadn't invited them to pick me up) but the Doctor (not affiliated with MH) who took me in was of the mind you speak... basically berating me for my actions... telling me that the dose I'd taken was no where near the dose needed due to the type of painkillers they were and essentially scoffing at what he saw was as an attention ploy. I just sat there staring at him... didn't see the point in justifying myself or even mentioning that it certainly wasn't my intent to be in his care at that time. When the MH team took me in, I realised it was pointless hiding things, so I handed over back up reserve tablets that I'd kept hidden in my pocket in case the first lot didn't work and gave the prior dr what I guess was a penetrating look.
No idea if he realised or even cared that he hadn't shamed me.. that I knew he had no idea what this **** is like, having to live with it at what are times of day in and day out... but it worried me how his words and arrogant assumptions could impact upon others who were much more sensitive to criticism than me.
Ironically, I had taken one of the things he'd mentioned to heart which took play in my second attempt - quantity and type.
I hope it's ok to mention the above... I certainly am not advocating si... but just outlaying my own experience with some of the 'care' we receive.
It put me off talking to the medical profession regarding depression and my mental state for approximately 15 years... it was only last year after realising that my marriage was likely to breakdown if I didn't do something about it that I finally bit the bullet and went to my GP, who bless him is a lot more compassionate than I expected.
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Independent Mental Health Advocate (IMHA): UK