Couldn't go to the doctor. We had to use the money to take my wife to the doctor (damage to her SI joint, I had to carry her into the clinic).

Not looking forward to going to the therapist this weekend. I'm already getting angry over it. My depression is starting to turn into rage and my vision is narrowing again. Anytime someone wants to talk about goals or support networks I start getting furious. Ultimately I've been alone in this from day one and now I may be fighting against myself and the depression.

Heck, I'm not even sure I'm writing this. I assume since I'm putting it here that I can come back and find it and prove to myself I'm not imagining it.

My migraines are almost constant now, brought on by tension. Not that anyone will call them a migraine (doctor, spouse, etc). Just because I have nausea, light sensitivity, severe pain, irritability, etc doesn't mean it's a migraine I guess.

I'm really getting scared that this is going too far south. The thing I feared the most in my life, losing my mind (like lucid and not lucid times and such), seems to be real and I'm scared to death of it. I'm terrified I might be a danger to someone and don't know what I can do but just keep going.

I just don't know. I'll do another update after talking to the therapist.