Confession time. I used to walk past boys' houses that I had crushes on in grade school. They didnt even live in my neighborhood; they lived on the west side of the school, I lived on the east side. Not that I ever saw them and who knows if they ever saw me. But I think I just wanted to be seen, looking back on it. Needed to connect. I tell my t I feel like that joke about dogs chasing cars - they don't know what they would do if they ever caught one, but they are still driven to chase them. I didn't know what I was longing for. The past few years with t, I feel like I have been redoing my toddler years. He's been getting me ready to go out and meet the world again, the right way this time. With confidence in myself, not desperately seeking something.