For quite a long time i have known it was true, but I have only grown to acknowledge it recently because it's been hurting more, physically too. Everybody seems to be distant from me, even my family, and I worry about what I'm doing wrong. Right now I'm 18 (only just) and in college (of the kind in the uk). For the past year and a half, on every break I have had, and lunch too, I have sat in the library alone.

The extra lessons I take make it quite difficult to take on anything extra-curricular, but i play piano at home, and my travelling to and from college is 1 hour each way so there is so little time. I just don't know what to do, even in high school i wasn't popular but i had one friend then. Everybody seems to avoid me, I'm really worried about it. People i used to know always used to say how friendly I was, but that was a while ago. I feel so lonely. I wish that somebody would tell me what I do to make everyone stay away, I can see it in the way people look at me, then look to the person by them and whisper something, then the other person looks. i have heard people laugh at me at times and say things, it just makes me sad.

It all probably sounds stupid, but it's making me cry, I keep trying lately to find ways to be alone so I don't have to encounter anyone and hear them laugh or make remarks behind my back, even though I want least of all to be alone, everything is making me feel so heavy and tired, sometimes i go for days without sleep. Please can somebody help me understand, i try my best and it isn't enough but there's just nothing left in me, I'm so hollow, how will somebody come to even think about wanting to know me? Sometimes people talk to me a little in class but as soon as it's over they leave and i don't exist anymore, sorry i just don't know what i can do