I've had a pretty rough couple weeks. I'd been feeling better and trying to plan out some things in my life. But the last few weeks have pretty much slammed that. I'm trying not to feel like a failure and that of course nothing good ever stays but it's hard going.

Then tuesday this week, I had a pretty bad meeting with my boss. Among other things that I'm pretty hurt by, she said I'm not 'happy' enough. And that I walk around looking sad sometimes. Well yeah, where in my job description is it that I have to be happy all the time?! I'm actually pretty mad about that comment. She knows I have depression issues and that I see a therapist. I haven't shared the major depression diagnosis though.

Some days, it's all I can do to get through the day. I have contact with large numbers of people all day and sometimes I just don't deal well. I was so shocked when she said that, I didn't really respond at all. I'm debating if telling her more (like what the exact issue is) would help or if that would make it worse. I'm a really private person to begin with and I really hate to use labels as a crutch. And if I do tell her, I worry that she'll want to let me go for someone 'happier'.

I hate being like this. All this week, I've wanted to just come home and sit in the dark. I did a couple days. If only I could just make it go away, I would. What I do for work is basically therapuetic horseback riding. We specialize in helping folks with disablitilies, mental or physical. And half the staff falls into that too some days. But I don't feel there's any room for me to be not ok.

But now I'm just rambling. I just don't know how to deal with someone saying I'm bad at my job because I'm not happy.