A lot of these feelings can come from having a stressful work load and just being stressed which can trigger you into "fear of failure". You need to identify your stressors and the things you keep fearing, and learn how to slowly relax and take more control. You also need to realize that having these intrusive thoughts about "ending" are just thoughts that come and go and to not allow yourself to feed into them or obsess about them.

It really doesn't matter that you are average in your achievements while learning, the truth about college and school is that you are simply learning how to learn. In the long run you are never going to use everything you memorize or learn anyway, but the one thing you will keep is how you are "learning how to learn".

The truth is, that when we learn how to learn we tend to retain things that stimulate whatever we are genetically gifted for, eventually as time passes that will come out with an aha moment. A lot of young students seem to think they are supposed to "know what they want or who they will be" much too soon, often that is not discovered for some time in the very late 20's to mid 30's.

Remember the turtle and the hare? Well, in the end the turtle won that race so make sure you slow down and take time to enjoy the learning and understand you don't have to be perfect, no one is anyway.

((Hugs))
OE