[QUOTE=scorpiosis37;3424140]
Quote:
Originally Posted by skysblue
I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if I were a T and a client drove by my house. Maybe it would depend on which client it is. I'm pretty sure that if I knew the address of where my T lives, I would not be able to resist checking it out. As I ask myself, why?, I'm not quite sure - maybe to feel more connected?
QUOTE]
As a professor, I would compare it to one of my students driving by house. Even if it was a student I liked, that kind of a boundary crossing would scare me. If an uninvited person (especially a student) drove by my house, I would feel very violated and spied on and it would make me feel unsafe in my own home. Even if I didn't think the student meant to scare me or would ever harm me, it would make me feel unsafe because I wouldn't be able to feel "at ease" in my home. I would be wondering if they might look in my window, watch me walk my dog, watch which visitors I had over, etc. It would impact my quality of life and my ability to just relax when I walked in the door. It would feel like I was being watched, like in a Hitchcock movie (think "Rear Window"). Maybe is that is how the OP's T felt?
I agree that the CURIOSITY is totally ordinary, but actually following through and driving by T's house is not ordinary. It is definitely a boundary crossing because you are actually physically inserting yourself into your T's life and private space, without her permission. Even if you aren't literally on her property, you are basically trespassing by being there. She doesn't want you (or any client, or any uninvited person) to see her walk her dog, have friends or lovers over, take out her trash, go for a jog, water her garden, etc. Those are private things and we have the right to do them without someone spying on us. How would you feel if someone was driving by your house and watching you? It would probably make you feel uneasy too, right? That's why it's a boundary crossing; because it violates T's right to the private enjoyment of her house. After being at work all day, we want to be able to come home, put our guard down, turn our public self off, and just relax. We can't do that if we think someone might be watching.
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scorpio, I think you are right, and that's why your post is starting to make me cry. I actually did spy on my first T: I accidentally discovered I could see in her window from my doctor's office across the street, so I took binoculars and went there on purpose to watch her. I wasn't her client at that time. I just wanted to see her because I missed her so much, but I knew it was very wrong to do so I wrote her a letter telling her about it. She sent me a certified letter telling me it was critical that I get back into therapy again, which I did. With someone else, not her.
My brother spied on me in the shower and I didn't know it until 7 years later, but I still felt violated and exposed when I found out. My T thinks I do it because he did it, which strikes me as very strange. If there were a way to spy on my T without her knowing it, like I did with my first T, I'm not sure if I would do it or not. I don't trust myself, in other words.
I feel icky now. Bad. Not from your post, Scorpio, but from thinking about my behavior. I'm glad I have my T to help me do something about this problem.