Oh Dreamgirl,

How upsetting it is to read your post. You sound so alone.
If you really want to make this work, I agree, you have to put the old g/f in the past and not bring it up.
Then you need to sit down with your husband and talk to him calmly. Tell him how you feel inside. Tell him how lonely you are. If you seek his affections, then you need to express that also.
I'm sorry that your marriage has been in such tormoil, espcially with only being married for four years.
I wish you and your husband all the best.
Always know that you can come here for support. We will be here for you.
Hugs,
Boopers