rain, i think it's great your T is so understanding and doesn't shame you because that really isn't going to help. i do think you have a hard time being honest about your emotions and it is really tripping you up everywhere. whether it is being in love with your T, being sexually attracted to her (for whatever reason) or admitting that it is inappropriate to drive by her house you resist admitting these things and try to downplay or normalize them at times. it is okay to admit your feelings whether they are appropriate or not. denying them won't make them go away but rather empower them so it's best to just be honest about them and work thru them.

as for your crossing her boundaries this is about *her* first and foremost. it is hurtful to others when you do it and you seem somewhat unaware of that. instead, it seems like you're playing a bit of whack-a-mole with your behaviors. you say you won't email so you post more on PC, you say you won't post more on PC so you google, you say you won't look her family up on FB so you drive by. something like that. your behaviors seem to just shift rather than get resolved. the only way to resolve them is to stop doing these things and feel the incredibly uncomfortable feelings that will come up. you can do it but it will be painful. in order to stop these behaviors you have to deal with your honest emotions and stop resisting them.

while you may be copying your brother's behavior i think you don't like that your T has boundaries because she is not in your real life and so you cross them in an effort to bridge that gap. i really think it's important for you to get some understanding why people are separate persons from you. can you talk to your T about why you don't understand boundaries? it seems like a very important discussion to have.