I did try to talk about it, but she would not. She just told me she was tired and stopped. I am scared to do emotionally intense work right now. I had an anxiety attack type episode last week, I was triggered, she says (I have PTSD she says) and it lasted four days and I was not functioning as well as I want to, and it really scared me. I was trying to take baby steps into therapy yesterday and it went really badly.

She thinks I am looking for quick solutions, I think because she has referenced things like that in the past, but actually, I am looking for ways to manage my emotions a little more while I work on the bigger picture issues. I just want some techniques, like breathing exercises or whatever that she can do with me to help me stay calm enough and feeling in control enough when my home life and issues get hard for me to work through.

I will listen to whatever she says though, I mean, I am open to knowing what she wants me to do and to making amends for criticizing her, because I could have done better and not let my frustration show if I were more careful, if I gave myself cooling off time I think, I lost perspective maybe. I just don't want to intrude on her- I don't want to initiate anything, because she doesn't want to hear from me.

I'm sorry, I'm just a mess. I should stop talking now!!! I'm not good at shutting up.