I hope maybe she will apologize and I think I should apologize too, I'm just not sure about what I am doing in therapy right now. I feel like I am flailing, I feel completely at a loss, I feel out of control, and I want her to help me with limits and concrete things, but we are having a disconnect about that and I'm having a hard time figuring it out.

Anyhow, I don't think she wants to apologize. I think she is pretty pissed at me. But I wish she had told me to stop and helped redirect me if I was being unproductive, but I feel like she was missing the point of the conversation again. I want help to feel talked down at my very worst moments and to get back in control, just to be able to breathe and focus a bit, and she's not helping me with it. I don't know if it's because I refuse to be helped or what, I had one session w/another therapist Sunday, and he seemed to know exactly how to calm me down, way down, in an hour, but it's not apples and apples. She says I'm struggling more with her because she knows so much about me and I'm not ready to deal w/everything I've shared with her yet, but I want her to help me get comfortable, i.e. be able to breathe through it, and I don't know if she can or will. I try to talk to her about it, but it goes wrong.

Edited to add: I should add, to be fair, she HAS offered to do some grounding techniques when I ask her too, but we get off track sometimes, and also, I don't feel that she has shown that "Ok, keep calm, we're going to do this and help you feel better" approach that I crave in my very worst moments.